Judging people comes easy. As long as you are not being judged, judging others is not an issue. Life is not about being fair. It never was. We judge people around us like relatives, colleagues, and friends. We judge a book, a movie, a place, a restaurant, a famous personality, an action, a bill, and even God.
What is the meaning of being judgemental? Oxford dictionary says, ‘Having or displaying an overly critical point of view of things.’ Does stating a fact or expressing a feeling qualifies as being judgemental.
With our fragile egos and sensitivities, we are not strong enough to take a simple statement in our stride. We have also lost the art of conversation and of polite refutation. Everything is personal and each statement becomes a blow on a person’s self-esteem and breaks a relationship. If I were to make a simple statement like, ‘A’ like oranges more than apples or bananas, it can be termed as an attack on the ‘A’ clan. I have not seen anyone giving a simple reply disproving the claim by saying that it is not true. I have not heard them talk of the problem with their projections as per the comment, and that they should work towards changing perceptions. There is never an inward assessment. A statement and its maker are browbeaten to death, but a personal assessment is never made. We all assume that we are perfect. If not, we still find ways to blame everything else under the sun. Nonetheless, we are never to be blamed. I am not even talking about public figures but only family and friends. It has been a long time since I have come across robust relationships.
When did we become so fragile? When did we lose trust in our friends and ourselves? Why has everything become so personal that it requires a confrontation? Whatever happened to acceptance, magnanimity, empathy etc.? Why cannot a joke or a friendly insult replied to with an equal amount of retort? Why so much affront is taken on self?
In my opinion, a comment should be checked for its verity. If it true, then check if the comment is a simple statement stating the facts, or it is also showing disapproval. Only if a disapproval is attached should it be considered being judgemental. Also, check if it was meant as a joke. We need to rise above our personal brittle egos and stop making mountain out of what is not even a molehill. True friendships and relationships should have the robustness of taking both, bouquets and brickbats. A relationship based only on praise is cronyism and not relationship. At best, it is a permanent compromising plastic smile with no strength of honesty.
||Sarvam Sri Krishna Arpanamastu||